down south for the winter

my parents just called me to inform me that they've arrived safely in florida. they call me because i ask them to in order to not stress out about the long hours they drive on the dangerous highways of tennesee and florida. but there is a huge part of me that wants to punch them in the face every time i talk to them in the months between january and march. here is why:

mom: just calling to tell you we arrived safely. we just got done grocery shopping.
me: thanks for calling. how is the weather?(why i ask this i do not know).
mom: 74 degrees and sunny. not a cloud in the sky. its so blue.
me: really? its 50 here.
mom: probably not sunny though huh?
me: you guessed it. but i think i saw it for a little bit this morning.
mom: oh, well you're at work right? i'll let you go.

i love how they always sound so smug. haha we're in sunny florida and you are still in winterland. we are relaxing at the beach in the middle of january and you're sitting at your desk without any windows. in fact they refer to wisconsin (still their current residence and home for the majority of the year) as 'up north.' i'm sorry, but 'up north' is crivitz, or rhinelander, or somewhere else north of green bay that is grossly uninhabited except for the months between june and august when the fishing is good or during deer hunting season. 'up north' is hardly sheboygan. sometimes they call me up on a wednesday night a little intoxicated just to say hi. they pass the phone around their jovial circle of retired friends who all insist on asking me what's new in my life telling me the weather's great, i should stop down and see them sometime. more likely than not, they'll call me on monday to wish me a happy birthday but then immediately tell me that its 78 degrees and sunny and the hallelujah chorus is playing in the background while the mystical animals of the flora and fauna dance around in jubilee. and i'll resist very hard the urge to shout back at them, 'yeah, i turned 24 today. how's it feel to be 55?" because not only am i a good daughter but i'd rather not do anything to jeopardize the free room and board i have in the tropics...even if it is in retirement USA.