ode to madison, wi/reasons why NOT to kidnap yourself

in honor of the slightly past two year anniversary of one of the most chaotic events i had the chance to personally experience and the last show i watched on court tv i thought i'd send a public letter to one of the reasons humanity is dumb.

do we all know who audrey seiler is? forgive me for assuming we all do because seriously, if you do not, you SHOULD. quite simply dear old audrey forever has a darkspot in miss mandakay's heart as well as her other classmates at the university of wisconsin. it is not very nice to kidnap people, and its really not very nice to kidnap YOURSELF and then lie about it.

dear audrey, we were all very worried about you. and then they found you and you were okay and we all exclaimed "its a miracle she wasn't hurt, its a miracle she wasn't assulted, its a miracle the worst she suffered was dehydration." but then you told us that the abductor was still at large. and worse, you told us that he was at large a mile from my apartment, from the classes i walked to daily. and we were all scared. and the media came, and the badasses from police departments across the state and country came, and there were helicopters flying over the night sky to find you man so we could all feel safe again. because after all its the reason so many of us were there, we felt safe in madison. audrey, it wasn't very nice when we found out later that you abducted yourself. scared us all to death, first that you weren't okay, then that someone was still at large. you costed the city thousands of dollars and instilled fear in thousands of people.

i watched your story on court tv last night. i saw all the people who helped search for you. saw the elated faces of your friends and family when they found you. i heard the nice police man explain that madison is lucky enough to see less than 10 murders a year and hasn't seen a kidnaping in years. and the best part was when the policeman said that if this ever happens again the people of madison will respond the same way, with concern and effort to find the missing person. audrey, don't get any ideas. next time try talking to your boyfriend about why he's writing provacative emails to other girls. and maybe you should stop reading his email to begin with.

its o.k. i'm sure there's a place for you somewhere. just not in madison anymore. which kinda sucks for you huh, because i hear its pretty cool. especially in the spring.

sincerely
~mandakay




(note that when i googled her to find a site to hyperlink to her i found her wikipedia site. holy shit! someday i too would like to do something worthy of someone wikipedia-ing me, though i hope it does not involve kidnapping myself, or being kidnapped at all for that matter).