oscar's all dressed up but nobody gets him

am i the only one who, upon reading the nominees for the academy awards, has heard of only one movie? who is on this academy and where are these movies playing that i don't know about them? i think if i were to make a movie about something very abstract and not publicize it at all and only show it in one theatre in a very very remote part of the country, say Wausaukee, WI, and then send that film to the academy that perhaps i too might stand a good chance at winning. but here is my favorite. every year i watch the 26 and a half hour long award shows and sit through the long boring speeches and feel real bad when the orchestra cuts off people just as they are thanking God or when joan rivers nose falls off and every year i see who wins the big ones and scratch my head in confusion and then run out to blockbuster and rent said title. and every year i am disapointed. i'll take anchorman anyday. because 10 years later who's talking about the english patient. billy madison on the other hand...classic (by the way i want you all to know i guessed on the years of those two movies and upon imdbing them find out i'm correct on time frame. i'm a genius. put me on the academy please).

am i alone on these thoughts? anyone...anyone...

not an uplifting post but worthy or note anyway

a couple months ago i posted about winter driving safety. perhaps i posted slightly prematurely as obviously we all know that january and february hail snow more than december does. last night i was awarded the first opportunity of watching non-educated drivers drive in winter conditions. Dane Cook (ooh, i should really link him over in my ways to procrastinate area huh?) has so elequently expressed on both of his CDs that Americans love car accidents. this is why i love him. he states the obivious. oh Dane, you are my hero.

let me first just say that a car accident could have been me last night. upon the conclusion of my 6 minute tanning session at Hollywood Tans (i do this for sanity reasons of needing ultra violet light, not for vanity reasons of wanting to look pretty. oh who am i kidding, i do it for those reasons too) i was driving down Ellsworth Ave in shadyside. Ellsworth Ave at 6pm in snowy weather = BIG sheet of ice. Why is this? i'm in a populated neighborhood, during rush hour, and its been snowing since 2pm. have we not figured out yet that salters would be a good idea? anyway, the lesson learned from that story is that my car does not have anti lock brakes. yet one more reason why i miss my cavalier. yes, its been a year, no i'm still not over her. the malibu on the other hand slid all over the road. suprisingly i did not panic. probably because there was nothing in sight for me to hit. anyway, i just wanted to point out that i was not an accident case last night. whew.

real story. i park at greg's. greg lives on a tiny 2 way street with parking on both sides. and to make things worse, non pittsburgh natives, people in pittsburgh park both ways on either side of the street. people in pittsburgh: this is weird in case you didn't know. so i park. get out of the car and hear a car shuffling down the road. yes, i said shuffling. i do not believe she had even applied the gas. car skids. i hear "crack." i stop. i stare. go to dane cook's site above. except that by 'crack' i really mean thud or whatever sound plastic makes when its being hit. i'm fully prepared to take down license plate numbers thinking surely the person will not stop. but she did. got out of the car, inspected the hit vehicle, and upon finding no damages left the scene. i think i should buy a saturn. that was the most amazing trick i've ever seen. perhaps my poor cav would still be here today if she were plastic. oh wait, she was still hit with such velocity that she spun out into the middle of the street from her perfectly parallel parked position.

thank you girl in car who slid into other car for doing the appropriate thing and inspecting damage. no thank you stupid people who fled the scene after destroying my baby.

and one more time, just in case you missed it the first time around, or cannot seem to locate it in my archives: PLEASE READ FOR MY SAFETY AND YOURS THIS WINTER!

uplift me please

can someone please share something uplifting with me. i'm afraid the only news and stories i've gotten this morning have been negative.

thanks much,
-the management.

comment deficiency

So I have to appologize. I was yelling at you all asking you to comment. Feeling very much unloved because my comment section was blank on all my posts. Feeling like I was writing to no one :(. And then I realized I had comment moderation on. Did not know this thus because I had not approved any of your lovely and thoughtful comments I was unable to see them. I truly am sorry for my dumbass mistake and assure you that my comment wall is fixed and open for posting. So keep sending me your thoughts on my lame posts because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I promise from now on they will actually show up.

Charlton Heston would be pleased

Okay Okay so I try to leave my political beliefs out of my blogging, mostly because I feel there are enough blogs out there that express them for me, but I absolutely feel the need right now to profess my leftist stand on guns. No I did not just recently see Bowling for Columbine for the 15th time. My need to address this issue comes from a more "people are stupid approach." It also comes purely from a rant on my account so forgive me if I miss some details or fail to mention others. Just getting it off my chest.

exhibit a.

Read an article on CNN this morning about an 8 year old boy who shot a 7 year old girl in the arm at a daycare after bringing his father's gun to school. The girl is fine, thankfully. But I can't help but pose the age old question "what was an 8 year old doing with a gun?" Lets pretend, just for one moment, that the 8 year old is free of blame, that he lacks the complete common sense neccesary to make the decision that it is unwise to bring a gun to daycare for show and tell. Lets pretend the 8 year old assumes the gun is a toy and knows not what he does. What kind of father leaves a weapon in wide open spaces for his kid to do with as he pleases? Um, well, probably a father with "an extensive criminal record dating to the 1960s, according to court documents. It includes several convictions of assault with intent to maim and gun charges." Wow, healthy. Alright, my right wing friends may argue that this may be a case of illegal weapon attainment on the father's part, which yes is probably the case. It is probably also the case that both father and son are psychologically devoid in some area and require more help than the state can offer. But an 8 year old still had a gun and that leads me to...

exhibit b.

State legislaters in Wisconsin are now launching a bill to allow 8 year olds to use guns to hunt. My LIBERAL leaning home state is proposing it a good idea to let 8 year olds handle a weapon that propels bullets at high speeds into other living creatures. The biggest argument against this: safety. NO KIDDING. The biggest argument for it: hunting licenses have been down this year. What?! Well, let me explain...hunting and fishing licenses pay for conservation programs. And these are programs we need so dearly in our rustic state as people are moving into more urban environments and don't appreciate what rustic is. Okay, fine. But does the money have to come from allowing 8 year olds to shoot guns? Yeah, it doesn't sound so great when you phrase it like that. Might I also add that it was in Wisconsin in 2004 where 5 hunters were killed ON PURPOSE over an argument about a deer stand. Case in point: people are stupid. And giving stupid people guns makes no sense.

Yes lets allow 8 year olds to handle guns. At least that way we can anticipate them having them in daycare centers and schools and take proper precautions a head of time.

uncomfortable bachelor pad

okay, so i couldn't resist the urge to add this blog and think it would be wise for you all to check it out. if you don't watch the bachelor on ABC mondays start, and then check out the bachelor recap on tuesday and prepare to laugh your pretty little head off.

for those of you who haven't tuned in to see who the author of above blog calls "Dr. McHottie" (which thinking about it must originate from the nickname Dr. McDreamy aquired by Patrick Dempsey's character on Grey's Anatomy) and his fauning ladies you really have no idea what you are missing. its like trav once told me about watching 'must love dogs,' watch it just so you know how bad it is. seriously, does anyone else agree with me when i say that this season of the bachelor is quite possibly the worst thing ever aired on cable television? and yet, just like laguna beach, i cannot seem to tear my eyes from it. it's pure pain and agony, uncomfortably awkward. jessi, much of the same qualities you find appealing in the office. only these are REAL people we are talking about. and you can only help but think to yourself, 'LORD, if i ever become so desperate please just take me as your own as clearly i have come to the end of my existance."

but i cannot stress enough that this blog will put a smile on your face. so pop some popcorn and sit back and enjoy...

here we go...

ewww my blogs suck lately.

i wasn't going to be this person simply because EVERYONE else is being this person but awww hell, i'll be this person.

pittsburgh's going to the superbowl (notice however, that i did not feel the need to capitalize or make fun bright colors?). this is a good thing, don't get me wrong. its just that i hate bandwagon fans (don't even start with me Badger bandwagon fans because you all really SUCK) and i so evidently have become one in the last two weeks. gross. i've always said that growing up in Wisconsin either makes you a crazed packer junkie or makes you rue the day professional football emerged (or made you root for every team that was playing the packers just to piss your mom off). me, it made me hate professional football. of course that was only after i fully understood that teachers get paid nothing to control a classroom of screaming children while football players make more in one season than i'll see in my lifetime to voluntarily get beat up. before i realized that these people actually got PAID for this i cheered for teams like the cowboys. i knew people hated this. i was such a brat. but then when i got to high school and college i was thankful for living in a state where professional football governed the mood of 90% of the population on monday mornings because it meant that sundays i could visit the mall or the grocery store and actually get things accomplished.

now i'm not gonna lie here. i had NO idea how big of a football town pittsburgh was when i moved here. when you live in wisconsin and you hate professional football all you know is that the state believes that lambeau field is the vatican, green and gold are sacred colors, and brett favre is God. what's the point of knowing anything else about the NFL? and then people started asking me: "are you a steelers fan?" my response: "i'm from wisconsin. i hate the packers. do you actually think that if i'm from wisconsin and i hate the packers that i'd be in support of any other NFL team? the Badgers. they're my boys. lets talk NCAA." and i started realizing that the black and gold is just as crazy, if not more so, than the green and gold. amen, i still have sundays to run errands successfully. i TRIED unsuccessfully to watch games. i tended to fall asleep before half time. i tried to scream at the tv, tried to yell at bettis, and roethlesberger. but when your heart isn't in it, its just not worth the effort.

and then came the playoffs which is ulitmately the same as march madness in my mind. fail to watch an entire season and get caught up on the teams that really matter and pick your loyalties from them. i hate basketball. but wisconsin generally makes it to the big dance and hell, i'll support that. miraculously enough, pittsburgh somehow makes it in with a wild card long after greenbay had blown any chances of seeing the inside of ford field. and i watched them beat indianapolis, slated by many to win the whole thing, narrowly after bettis fumbed and ben tackled. and the last minute of that game reminded me so intently of what it is that i love about college football. the upsets, the narrow wins in the last seconds. and suddenly its not such a long shot anymore. and i have this strange feeling inside me that feels a little bit like excitement. and then the steelers take home the AFC title. and now its all over. i've succombed. the wagon rolled by and i jumped on it. i'm suddenly screaming so loud i've lost my voice, smiling at the sight of terrible towels. wishing i too was in the southside celebrating in the street with the thousands of other fans. i have become he epitomy of what i hate. but i guess we all need to take baby steps and start somewhere right? and i've never been one to leave my team high and dry when they are floundering so lets assume that i'm considering myself a true fan. it just took a couple of wins to get me there. besides, the superbowl is so much more interesting when you actually have something to watch other than the commercials, which quite frankly are just not that great anymore. does anybody have an extra terrible towel?


but shhhhh, please don't tell greenbay. they will not think its fair that the 96 and 97 NFC titles were not enough to convert me.

sex and the blogoshere

I've added a new blog to my blog friends area. I would like to say that I urge you all to check it out but i fear some of you may not appreciate the content of what is being offered. At any rate feel free to check out 'fabulous females' for a community post a la sex and the city style.

ode to my friends. by amanda

i thought maybe i'd spent all post gushing about how completely fabulous my boyfriend is, but greg assured me he would kick my ass if i did such a thing and lets be honest, i never even liked it when my friends did it in their away messages let alone me do it in my blog. so i decided instead to gush about how fantastically wonderful my FRIENDS are. if you are not a friend of mine, i appologize. this blog is going to suck for you. eh, it might suck even if you are my friend though.

there are holidays i detest. valentines day and new years for one. i've never had a steller time on either one of those days. but my birthday, well my birthday has always pretty much kicked ass. maybe i'm just easy to please but it seems like everything aligns every year on january 16th. this year was no different thanks to all the lovely people in my life.

my weekend started out with a shopping trip by margaret and myself. we found awesome country themed t-shirts on sale for $4! and cowboy hats to match. see photo below for our themed attire. off to saddle ridge we went to celebrate in style the birthday's of amanda, maria and greg where i picked up on two line dances and am so excited about the prospect of returning to test out my new dancing skills. many props to the crew who once again did not allow for a boring or uneventful evening.

saturday was more low key (aside from the 6 hours of work i had to do). greg and i collected janice and drove out to the mills to meet tom for 18 holes of indoor glow in the dark mini golf. as usual a good time was had with greg and tom and the addition of janice complimented them quite nicely. then we made a trip to houlihans to pay margy a visit.

sunday. see any of margy's sunday posts for a synopsis of the mood on sunday. church was wonderful as always and a fellowship hour followed to celebrated a member turning 90. and let me just say that for 90 she still has her head on straight. i can only hope to be that with it when i'm 90. after church margaret and i went to greg's to watch the steelers game in peace and quiet. WOW steelers! that's all i have to say. i may have jumped on the bandwagon after sunday's game. we ate some pizza and had some wine and cookies and greg gave us his best impression of his downstairs neighbor's annoying hacking cough. usual sunday night festivities with janice, and this semester margaret too!

birthday morning commenced with a wake up call from boyfriend wishing me happy birthday shortly followed by phone call from parents wishing me happy birthday, then best friend wishing me happy birthday. this is all before the hour of 10am. i love you people with all my heart but let a girl sleep in on her day off! the day progressed with some laundry and a target and old navy run. PS the WHOLE store of old navy is on sale for like a gazzillion percent off. birthday songs were sung to me by neighbor lori, fellow birthday boy greg, and trav who just moved his voice up and down with words ala will ferrell in elf style. many more phone calls followed and i'm touched that all of you remembered and thought of me as i enter this harrowing stage of my midtwenties (but no one remembered to get me a pony). Greg picked me up for a suprise dinner at PF changs followed by dessert at cold stone. He completely threw me for a loop when he led me to the movie theatre and made me keep my eyes closed until we got in so i wouldn't know we were seeing 'walk the line' until it started. and did i mention he got me the most thoughtful gift ever? but you'll have to ask me about it if you want to know what it is. okay, so i gushed on greg a little bit. i promise i'm done now.

so here's the deal. i have wonderful wonderful people in my life and if i ever complain about being lonely please kick me in the face and tell me i'm stupid. thanks.

you all are bored arent you? yeah, well that's why i've provided links for you on the side now isn't it?

YEE HAW!

things to smile about today:

-the newest in the coke flavors: diet black cherry vanilla. sooooo yummy. of course it does still have that taste of rum like vanilla coke has but other than that yummy!

-that its currently 66 degrees and sunny out. on January 13th.

-that even though i have to be at work at 8:30am tomorrow i do not have to work on monday.

-janice and margaret are cooking me dinner tonight.

-i will save a horse and possibly ride a cowboy tonight at saddle ridge ;)

-the tile work is finally complete in the hall outside my office which means random people will no longer walking through it and there will be no more drafts from people leaving doors open.

-margy and i will walk home from work together.

-greg does not have to go to work at 1am.

down with doba

i've recently decided that chipotle is about 8 times better than qdoba. i know that as a wisconsin alum this is pretty much the ultimate faux pas to say being that qdoba is open until 3am and fed many a hungry drunk mouth among my circle of alcoholic friends but its true. though i think it has something to do with the meat. chipotle's chicken just tastes fresher. less burned. well today i was given one more reason to prefer chipotle over qdoba. ames sent a community email to kel and myself this morning discussing how she had not had mexican food in chicago until last night with the exception of chipotle. of the course the mention of the delectable word sent my salivary glands into a tizzy in pure classical conditioning mode and i decided i must have chipotle for lunch. unfortunately the state of pennsylvania has not caught on to the greatness of many things like noodles, chins, and of course chipotle so i had to settle for second best qdoba. but, as the following story clearly supports, chipotle or no chipotle, i will not be patroning qdoba for some time.

1:10pm-walk into qdoba. there is a line. line is not moving.
1:17pm-order food. food girl does not hear my order correctly. is fully prepared to give me beans. gross.
1:18pm-told by food lady that they are waiting on my veggies to sautee. will be finished shortly.
1:18pm-another food lady puts salsa and cheese and sour cream on naked fajita and puts it back at veggie station to await more veggies.
1:19pm-strange food man, who is OBVIOUSLY new and CLUELESS, begins to remove my naked fajita and bring it to the register. i lean over the glass and kindly explain to him that i'm waiting for veggies.
1:20pm-veggies just about finished. strange food man takes the wrong veggies (think squash and zuchinni) and puts them on fajita while i open my mouth and utter in slow motion "nooooooooooo." idiot. wrong vegetables. food man procceeds to pick off wrong vegetables and replace with right vegetables. and surely he was unable to s uccessfully remove all.
1:21pm-i pay for my food, which is getting cold by this point.
1:21pm-i go to utensil station. no forks. how does one eat a naked burrito with no fork? i tell clerk at register who screams to someone in the back to retrieve forks.
1:22pm-fork guy comes to my rescue. however while in the middle of retrieving forks random dude from oakland comes in and strikes up conversation. fork guy leaves me high and dry, no fork, cold food.
1:25pm. finally have fork. have found table. begin eating food. food sucks. and i can still taste the wrong vegetables that are on it. and its cold.

no doba. for a long time. period.

decided to go to mcdonalds to get myself an oreo mcflurry to help me feel better about my lunch expedition. apparently the pedal thingie that they use to blend it must have been pushed under something. so the woman gets down on all fours ont eh floor and pulls it out. then proceeds to finish my mcflurry, without first washing her hands. ewww. when she gave it to me there were lots of oreo chunks on top leading me to believe she did not mix it well. when i pulled the top off and put my spoon in the cookie bits got all over my desk. greg informed me that mcdonalds is basically just packaged garbage anyway. but i like mcflurrys (insert whiny voice here). i think maybe its just God telling me to stop eating crap. well God, point noted. thanks much.

down south for the winter

my parents just called me to inform me that they've arrived safely in florida. they call me because i ask them to in order to not stress out about the long hours they drive on the dangerous highways of tennesee and florida. but there is a huge part of me that wants to punch them in the face every time i talk to them in the months between january and march. here is why:

mom: just calling to tell you we arrived safely. we just got done grocery shopping.
me: thanks for calling. how is the weather?(why i ask this i do not know).
mom: 74 degrees and sunny. not a cloud in the sky. its so blue.
me: really? its 50 here.
mom: probably not sunny though huh?
me: you guessed it. but i think i saw it for a little bit this morning.
mom: oh, well you're at work right? i'll let you go.

i love how they always sound so smug. haha we're in sunny florida and you are still in winterland. we are relaxing at the beach in the middle of january and you're sitting at your desk without any windows. in fact they refer to wisconsin (still their current residence and home for the majority of the year) as 'up north.' i'm sorry, but 'up north' is crivitz, or rhinelander, or somewhere else north of green bay that is grossly uninhabited except for the months between june and august when the fishing is good or during deer hunting season. 'up north' is hardly sheboygan. sometimes they call me up on a wednesday night a little intoxicated just to say hi. they pass the phone around their jovial circle of retired friends who all insist on asking me what's new in my life telling me the weather's great, i should stop down and see them sometime. more likely than not, they'll call me on monday to wish me a happy birthday but then immediately tell me that its 78 degrees and sunny and the hallelujah chorus is playing in the background while the mystical animals of the flora and fauna dance around in jubilee. and i'll resist very hard the urge to shout back at them, 'yeah, i turned 24 today. how's it feel to be 55?" because not only am i a good daughter but i'd rather not do anything to jeopardize the free room and board i have in the tropics...even if it is in retirement USA.

somber moments

kate and maria, if you don't update your blogs soon i might really cry.

as for me, i'll work on finding something resourceful to say by the end of the day (hey, i'm a poet and i don't know it).

new links, more procrastination

i've added two more links to help you all procrastinate in the column on the left. the first is some blog radio thing that i ran across randomly. the second is a ginormous picture of a sun that my wonderful boyfriend (eh, we'll call him that for lack of a better term) sent to me in an effort to provide some sanity in the drabness of pittsburgh winter.

me and MLK

its holly's birthday today. yay holly. happy birthday. i'll call her later and wish her well. the enthusiasm will convey better over the phone. holly's 24 today. sucker. a whole 12 days before me (did you all do that math? january 16th. i would like a new pony, please). she's 24 which means she's entered her mid twenties. amy turned 24 way back in august. she's old. but i told her that she could say she was 23 until i turned 24. that way we'd both enter our mid twenties together. and so i was thinking about this today. because holly's birthday always makes me think about my own being that its 12 days later (just in case the math challenge slipped past you all again, january 16th...). and here is what the most exciting thing about my birthday is: this year its a paid holiday. thank you Martin Luther King Jr. i dont think i actually care about being exactly one year older than i was the first time i saw a bright florescent light. i've been able to legally smoke, gamble, drink, drive, watch porn, and have sex for a while now and i still don't get a cheaper rate on my car insurance. (disclaimer, just because i'm legally allowed to do the aforementioned subjects does not me i practice them, i am an angel afterall). actually i think i will just forget its my birthday this year. i always seem to forget how old i am anyway because, with the exception of margy (i love you margy) my friends in pittsburgh are either older or younger than me. thus this year if you so desire to buy me a pony on january 16th, in lieu of wishing me a happy birthday, wish me a happy Martin Luther King Jr. day.