so many fun things to post about today

and the crazies keep on coming...

paperback writer, have you seen this craigslist add placed in the 'housing wanted' section yet?

have you ever noticed how a great majority of oddly enough stories come from the 'burgh?

its like a book discussion only about this article...

1. (courtesy of kelly) who would kill a dog?
2. who would name a dog pimpin'?
3. do i really live in this city?
4. confused the dog for a person?
5. what would you dress your dog in after you bludgeon it to death?
6. one more time, do i really live in this city?

Random thoughts on a random friday

can someone please explain to me why its cold out in the morning again? i have no desire whatsoever to turn in the flip flops again and the cold weather really isn't doing much for the cause.

on a happier note Pitt commencement is Sunday. Yay! i don't care about them graduating. plus the speaker kinda sucks. i care that they will all be done with finals and out of my way by monday. no more crowded bus, no more annoying undergrads romping around on the sidewalk. i hate how undergrads think they are sooooo cool all the time. and on another happy note after being here for 2 years i have just NOW realized there is an einstein bagels on campus...2 actually. so much better than brueggers. i really dislike breuggers and their $125 mugs.

i'm going to columbus this weekend. haven't been there since i was 16 probably. i debated wearing all my wisconsin garb. but i thought that might be mean. but then i remembered that its not like wisconsin is michigan so maybe it wouldnt be mean. oh, ohio state. buckeyes. what the hell is a buckeye anyway? (don't answer that. i know what a buckeye is. its a nut, or a tree, or the stupid mascot thing named brutus. people at ohio state get really defensive about this. i would too if i was up against the likes of the wolverine, bucky badger, and the hawkeye. at least goldie the golpher and the boilermaker make the brutus look a little tougher. i'm off topic aren't i?) when i think of ohio and say it in my head the only way i can say it is if i say it like the end of the drew carey show song 'cleveland rocks OHIO!' or like in the middle of the fifty nifty united states song. Oh-Hi-Oh... have you all heard that song? oh man, i can name all 50 states in alphabetical order in about 25 seconds thanks to that song.

i am apparently a year away from being 'old.' this line comes from a 17 year old who informed me yesterday that you have to celebrate your teenage years because once you turn 25 you're old. i remember when i had thoughts like that. of course given the choice now i can honestly say i'd rather be 25 than 18. you?

and speaking of old...sometimes grandmas rock! well grandmas rock all the time but these grannies are exceptionally cool.

and on that final note i'm out.

wisconsin people!

i see you there...you think i don't know you are watching me but i do. i honestly don't really care that you are because i have nothing bad to say about people from wisconsin or the state itself. quite the contrary actually. but i'd really like it if you'd at least say hello. people in madison and milwaukee. someone at acuity (but i know who you are), someone with wisconsin newspapers, people who are facebook stalking me. yeah, i see you out there. you aren't the only one who stalks...


now say hello dammit!

honestly, i'm homeschooling my kids

why?

ode to madison, wi/reasons why NOT to kidnap yourself

in honor of the slightly past two year anniversary of one of the most chaotic events i had the chance to personally experience and the last show i watched on court tv i thought i'd send a public letter to one of the reasons humanity is dumb.

do we all know who audrey seiler is? forgive me for assuming we all do because seriously, if you do not, you SHOULD. quite simply dear old audrey forever has a darkspot in miss mandakay's heart as well as her other classmates at the university of wisconsin. it is not very nice to kidnap people, and its really not very nice to kidnap YOURSELF and then lie about it.

dear audrey, we were all very worried about you. and then they found you and you were okay and we all exclaimed "its a miracle she wasn't hurt, its a miracle she wasn't assulted, its a miracle the worst she suffered was dehydration." but then you told us that the abductor was still at large. and worse, you told us that he was at large a mile from my apartment, from the classes i walked to daily. and we were all scared. and the media came, and the badasses from police departments across the state and country came, and there were helicopters flying over the night sky to find you man so we could all feel safe again. because after all its the reason so many of us were there, we felt safe in madison. audrey, it wasn't very nice when we found out later that you abducted yourself. scared us all to death, first that you weren't okay, then that someone was still at large. you costed the city thousands of dollars and instilled fear in thousands of people.

i watched your story on court tv last night. i saw all the people who helped search for you. saw the elated faces of your friends and family when they found you. i heard the nice police man explain that madison is lucky enough to see less than 10 murders a year and hasn't seen a kidnaping in years. and the best part was when the policeman said that if this ever happens again the people of madison will respond the same way, with concern and effort to find the missing person. audrey, don't get any ideas. next time try talking to your boyfriend about why he's writing provacative emails to other girls. and maybe you should stop reading his email to begin with.

its o.k. i'm sure there's a place for you somewhere. just not in madison anymore. which kinda sucks for you huh, because i hear its pretty cool. especially in the spring.

sincerely
~mandakay




(note that when i googled her to find a site to hyperlink to her i found her wikipedia site. holy shit! someday i too would like to do something worthy of someone wikipedia-ing me, though i hope it does not involve kidnapping myself, or being kidnapped at all for that matter).

HOLY CRAP!

i got an email from my cousin, who needs to start updating her blog, containing this picture:

now i'm thinking, woah, someone is an ace with photoshop. real live easter bunny like. but me, being the snopes addict that i am decide to check it out for myself. so expecting to see false in the status line i look up 'easter bunny' and to my amazing surprise see that the legend is indeed TRUE! this bunny is 3 feet tall on his hind legs and weighs 17 pounds. this picture is REAL. two words come to mind: HOLY CRAP! its like living with alice in wonderland. i mean come on, giant rabbits are a thing for fiction. how do these things breed? this rabbit is bigger than my last cocker spaniel and that scares the crap out of me. right now i'm looking out my office door picturing a regular rabbit hopping around. very cute. i'd pick it up and care for it. now i'm picturing a ginorous rabbit hopping around (when you are that large can you really hop?) and honestly, i think i'd run. well if i could get out of my office without it seeing me. because giant rabbits are like giant bugs. they shouldn't exist. its not NORMAL. a giant rabbit like that is capable of attacking. seriously scary scary crap here people. i mean, come on...what if you saw a giant rabbit scampering across your freshly cut grass. see? scary.

MistaRuddy

completely meant to post about this earlier but i'm an idiot and did not.

greg's very talented friend matt will be in town tomorrow evening to perform at the Club Cafe. matt goes by the name mistaruddy and is really good. likened to dave matthews band meets jack johnson meets ben harper. he's currently located in nyc and has quite a following out there. show starts at 7pm with a $10 cover (and well worth it). i urge you all to check out matt at www.mistaruddy.com or www.myspace.com/matthewbrianruddy and then stop by the Club Cafe tomorrow night for an evening of quality music. i PROMISE you will not be disapointed!

humanity = stupid

alas today was the day of my hearing. i took the EBS downtown because no way was i going to deal with traffic and driving at the working hour of 8:30. i don't work downtown. the only time i go down there is when i'm driving through to go home or during an event. but i do know my way around. i've always been an expert when it comes to navigation. anyway, i got off the bus and walked the 10 blocks or so to the court building on 1st ave. people, downtown is exciting during the day! there are actually people milling around drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes. its like a real live city during the day. i seriously did not want to leave the presence of it. much more exciting than collegey oakland, land of the undergraduate.

have any of you ever been to the municipal court building? at first i thought it was scary (and i had to surrender my only form of protection pepper spray for the time being). it was pure chaos. there were so many people! i gave the nice people my name and they instructed me to wait in the court room. when i got in there what i saw was what looked like a scene out of a tv court show like judge judy only the chairs we got to sit in were plastic and everyone was talking. i tried hard to listen to the cases that the judge went through because i really like confirmation that humanity is stupid but it was too loud to hear most of it. but i'm sure it was all very exciting and dramatic.

finally around 9:30 the detective calls me out to the waiting area to talk to me. he told me that my criminal (yes, he's mine now, i claimed him) was meeting with his lawer and another to discuss a plea. his exact words to me "we're dealing with a dumb stoned serial burglar here." oh how i love to hear about the druggies. makes me so happy i say no to drugs like my D.A.R.E officer told me to in 5th grade. the detective told me he suspected mr. robber would take the plea and that i would be sent home shortly if that was the case. now i'm thinking to myself "don't be so sure detective. druggie = stupid. he might think he can still get off."

detective comes back a few minutes later. i'm slouched against a wall bored out of my mind and he tells me that there is a building being renovated just across the street and a construction worker pushed the button to call the lift and when it didnt come he stuck his head out to see it and was decapitated. when i put my hand over my mouth in shock and horror he says to me "oh, i didnt mean to upset you." mr. detective = stupid. come on, i'm a girl, i'm currently waiting to testify against a strange drug addict who entered my apartment with force, like i'm not going to get upset over what he just told me? i mean the man probably has a family, kids. he probably came to work this morning like he did every other day. he was probably wondering what his wife was going to make for dinner. YES I WAS UPSET!

i digress.

finally around 10am, the detective comes back and tells me i'm free to go. stupid drug addict robber has miraculously taken the plea so i won't have to testify and see his slimy face. he'll be recieving 10 years in jail after confessing to over 100 burglaries in the past year. i am also informed at this point that he was in jail six years ago for a few years for the same thing. drug addict robber = really really stupid.

so, out of 100 burglaries how many people showed up you ask? just me. yup, i rock like that. burglary victims = stupid.

humanity did not score a whole lot of points with me today. of course its not even the lunch hour yet, i guess it has chance to redeem itself. although in order for that to happen i should probably stay away from CNN.com. and you...well you should stay away from drugs.

my fashion faux pas

in honor of the 73 degrees and sunny weather in today's forcast (toto, i don't think we're in pittsburgh anymore) i decided to don my spunky yellow capris and fun flip flops. HOWEVER just because the outside air is supposed to be 73 degrees and sunny apparently does not mean my office will be. so i'm sitting here cross legged in my desk chair with a long sleeve shirt over my legs and freezing feet. although i guess that's my own fault.

you better believe i'm going outside at lunch just to warm up.

and yes i can wear things such as capris and flip flops at my job. i can also wear jeans and sweatshirts. and no i do not work in any such place as a clothing store or fast food restaurant. the glory of education i guess.

i do solemly swear...

...to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

just got word yesterday from mr. cop man that i'll have to testify next thursday morning. i've never been in court before. i'm so nervous. the cop said all i have to do is just say what it was that was stolen and he will take care of the rest. they are calling this man a serial burglar and are charging him with all 3 counts in my building. not sure how long they hope to put him away for but i'll be a happy girl if he does not get out before i move.

any suggestions for my court appearance?

ooh pretty

in light of recent blogger friends changing their blogs, i too decided to do some spring cleaning. the title of this template is called "persnickety" and i really like that word. forgive me as i work out kinks in the next few weeks (like how to post my profile in the large open space on the right) and please enjoy my pretty new look.

spring savvy

*my apologies in advance if i offend anyone by this entry.

alright, so the dumb 40 degree weather has hopefully disappeared until next fall when i will allow it to return only after bearing the hot humidity of summers in pittsburgh. hopefully. but with the warmer weather comes some horrible taste in fashion that i feel i must address here. my hope is that none of you commit such atrocious crimes but again, i am sorry if i do offend you so.

i by no means am miss fashionista guru but i must point out a few simple rules to follow when the warm weather hits us:

1. UGGs were invented to be used year round in places like the adirondack where its always cold and people need them to keep their feet warm (which in turn keeps the body warm). they were invented to be used in places like pittsburgh (and for all intensive purposes, wisconsin) during the WINTER to keep feet warm with PANTS. i don't want to see you dumbasses wearing them with skirts in the spring and fall because if its cold enough to wear the boots i hate so much then its cold enough to wear pants. if you pair these boots with oversized bug-eyed sunglasses then you are a huge dumbass. at UW we have a name for you, its coastie (read number 2 in link).

2. the guys might go crazy when the weather warms up because it means the girls are wearing less clothes. by nature this, of course, is necessary. but please do not wear shirts and shorts that are 8 sizes too small for you because NO ONE wants to see that.

3. i am an advocate of the flip flop BUT please take care of your feet if you are going to done such sole bearing accoutrements.

with your cooperation amanda will be spared much annoyance. thanks ever so much!

may a house fall upon you

this is why i dislike spring. in general i love spring. and i love that as of yesterday it stays lighter out for a whole hour later now. i love that i'm seeing green and flowers, and most important i love that its finally warm. but i HATE tornados. they might be the single one thing that freaks the crap out of me. still. i remember when i was younger my grandma tried to explain to me what a tornado was, "its like a funnel that destroys things." somehow i couldn't get past destroyed and didn't fully understand what funnel meant so i envisioned this giant state puff marshmallow like man who walked around cities crushing houses. i'd have dreams about this tornado man. i don't think he ever talked though, just walked around stomping things.

when i finally realized what they were (thank you wizard of oz) i'd run for dear life down to the basement every time the airraid sirens went off screaming at my parents to follow suit. once my dad told me he heard them go off in the middle of the night but didn't want to wake my mom and i. i was pissed. even when they sirens weren't going off i'd stare intently at the corner of the TV where the networks had their crazy t-storm and tornado images along with the cities scrolling across to warn of the doom that was in store. maybe this is when i started biting my nails. in school we'd have tornado drills so we'd be prepared if one ever struck. sometimes we'd be fortunate enough to end up in an eclosed space. sometimes they'd tell us just to duck under our desks and put our coats on our heads. looking back i now realize that had a tornado actually come through our school those of us unlucky enough to be stuck under our desks probably stood little chance of survival.

i was always told that living so close to one of the great lakes (i grew up a mile from lake michigan) was good because the lake deterred tornados. i don't know how exactly but i'm pretty sure i thought the tornados were scared of water. maybe there's some truth to the above mentioned statment. all i know is that in my 24 years of existance i've only heard of 1 or 2 tornados passing through my hometown and only hitting a large state park destroying little of anyone's personal property. i've never seen one live and can't imagine what i'd do if i did.

i have nightmares about these things, frequently. in my dreams i'm always up high in a building and the sun is shining and out of now where the funnel cloud forms and seems to chase me. sometimes i have no choice but to jump out windows, other times i make it to safety only to come back and find that my house is the only one that has been destroyed. some people take pictures of these things. i stay inside and count down the minutes until the warning/watch is over.

maybe it was the wizard of oz that contributed to this fear. i never really like oz. the munchkins scared me. and if dorothy could wind up there simply by riding her house over the rainbow during a tornado whose to say i wouldn't end up there too.

i hate them. but i suppose i'd rather be in pittsburgh hating tornados than in miami hating hurricanes.